My Conscious Conception

Traveling, further along the way, knowing and grieving numbers that were no longer with me, yet knowing and anticipating this meaningful goal becoming a reality. All the while stopping and resting at many junctures, absorbing the lessons of the journey.Then, a realization dawns that I am not alone, another soul sperm entity is trying to attach and cling to me near the end of my journey. Awareness lingers as my struggle for separation and autonomy begins, in squirming and swerving, shaking violently and finally thrusting myself away, aware that I succeeded yet knowing she is not far behind.

This event was followed by a great intensive passion for accomplishment, only to be met by the grief of the loss of my nearby Twin’s presence. As I circumvent this huge awe inspiring energy field, I turn for a mini moment as though looking over my shoulder in wonder of her journey and whereabouts and pondered briefly on my twin sister’s contribution towards my unfolding development.

My journey continues as I travel in a counterclockwise direction around the ovum. In doing so, a conscious awareness of a seemingly thick translucent barrier is in my path. I begin to burrow repeatedly through this mass and then breaking through; I am met by the most inviting incredulous pulsating, undulating, wavelike energy, drawing and receiving me in with intentional purpose.

Within this experience, I become aware of wanting to unite with this energy. However I realize that I am inebriated and can feel the residual effects of alcohol in my consciousness with prevalent dizziness, lack of coordination, disorientation, fuzziness, lack of clarity and direction, causing me to overshoot my approach towards the ovum. In that confusion, I exert an enormous amount of focused energy in making a sharp turn towards my goal, feeling the urgency and exhaustive energy drain and yet determined to achieve this journey into life. In that state, I garnet what seemed the last minuscule once of energy and dove toward the ovum very fearful of failing my mission and facing certain extinction.

In that fearful impending death-full moment I am gathered and absorbed by an overwhelming awe-inspiring essence. Within that conscious awareness, an explosive, expansive, dissolving of my sperm head identity takes place, I am conscious of what remains of my sperm tail and it too is gathered and dissolved by an overwhelming indescribable feeling of absolute union, opulent light, spiritual oneness and divine connection.

Sperm travel and it’s experiences were being bathed in soothing healing loving energy making my sperm journey very worthy of honoring, yet seemingly paling by the experiential death/rebirth outcome. Looking back on completing this journey, what also comes to mind, body, heart and soul are feelings of total bliss, pure love, nirvana, equanimity and spiritual ecstasy and more...

You may ponder... Do I believe in the capacity of exploring this Transpersonal Psycho-Spiritual dimension of Consciousness and my answer is a resounding … Yes, for no less than we have the capacity to access and reclaim our gestation and birth memories; with it’s attending imprints and core Feeling experiences within our Cellular Body. We are also capable of reclaiming our Conscious Conception through Sperm and Ovum Consciousness: going beyond genetics to Cellular matrix into our DNA and mtDNA predisposition with countless imprints available through exploring other Transpersonal Realities. Thus expanding our Healing and our true Authentic Cellular Self and more.

For me, what stood firmly in the way of experiencing this deep level of Conscious Awareness were the accumulated, repressed, suppressed core experiences relegated to the subconscious and unconscious realms of the psyche, which dominated my inner and outer reality.

This consisted of inner journeys through the trauma and shock of my physical, emotional, mental and spiritual existence inclusive of surviving four attempted abortions while in utero. Experiential Pre and Peri Natal realities… Abandonment and relinquishment at six months of age after our TwinWomb birth. Toxic parenting, adoption experiences of repeated twin separations were contributing factors with numerous foster parents and synonymous Adoptee status along with attachments and addictions as part and parcel of my personal biography and biology.

Is it any wonder that for years I could not accept the premise of being a Spiritual Being, Divine in Nature, with Sacred purpose with Spirit in the manifestation of the great Innocence and Love Essence I was meant to be.

Today, I honor and feel graced in the courage and willingness to reclaim this journey back from my conscious conception. This journey which has served me well and has brought me much deeper into the mystery of Healing, Being and Authenticity. Many more truths await, while I ponder this great mystery of Life.

Gerald N Burnett Copyright Material 1993